I'm smart.

Really. It's not an exaggeration. Sometimes I surprise myself by just how mind-blowingly, awesomely smart I am.

My smarts aren't really limited to either book smarts or street smarts. I haven't been mugged at all while living in DC for three long years of wandering around alone late at night. More than that, I can explain to you, in depth, the concept behind a bicameral system of government and the compromises that early Founders made to get to that compromise. I can still tell you the quadratic formula. Hell, I can SING you the quadratic formula.

That said, there are many, many things I do not know. I have an understanding of how the parliamentary system creates a government, but, if pressed, I couldn't whiteboard the process. I can tell you what quarks are, but if you ask me to describe their movements and exactly how they go about making everything we see, smell, and touch, I don't know if I can. My understanding of science overall is probably something I could work on.

Oh, also? I'm funny. Yep, I'm super funny. It's difficult to prove when I put myself on the spot like this, but let me tell you about llamas. They're awesome, and they have bifurcated lips. Their lips are actually just like little finger tips, nuzzling each other and roaming around as they try to grab hay from your outstretched hands.

Oh, that reminds me. Ostriches? Terrifying. They are nine foot tall dinosaurs that will stop at nothing to get the food you are gingerly and foolishly offering them in your outstretched hand. They will give you blood blisters and their beady little eyes will not look sorry about it. But it's okay! You can go back to feeding the llamas, and nobody will say you didn't try.

But back to me. It's important for me to remember, on days like today, that I am actually, all around, a pretty awesome person. I like hanging out with myself most of the time. And when people question my competence and intelligence and instincts and then spew complete and utter bullshit in the most PC way possible, what they are really doing is revealing their own limitations.

And when they tell me that a process of seeking approval will actually streamline the process, it's not because I'm they think I'm dumb and won't notice the inherent logical fallacies in their statements.

No, it's because they are being exceptionally silly.

And, at the end of the day, it's also important that I point out that I am quite humble.

Take it away, Chaka Khan!

May the weekend bring only good things.

SUNDAY SUPPER FRANKS
8 frankfurters
1/4 c. peanut butter
2 T. finely chopped onion
1/2 c. bottled cheese spread
2 T. pickle relish

Split frankfurters lengthwise, but not all the way through. Combine the rest of ingredients. Spoon 2 T. peanut mixture over cut sides of each frankfurter. Broil until bubbly and browned. Serve in buns. 8 servings.