I have finally found My Cause! The cause that I would become a vigilante masked superhero for! You know, with a cape!

I'm too good-natured for my own good to get really worked up about most things. Petty crime? Maybe those people really needed whatever it was they stole from me. Biting insults? Yeah, they hurt my feelings, but you have to admit that it was clever and funny, so kudos!

But that for which I WILL NOT STAND is my daily battle not to get hit by cars while walking to work. SERIOUSLY. Everybody out on the road at 8:30 in the morning on a weekday in NW Washington, DC is a fucking MANIAC. They must all be late for work or whatever, and combine their East Coast entitlement with their four cups of coffee they have already imbibed and the fucking traffic on Georgia Avenue AND a two-ton destruction machine made of steel and SERIOUSLY I have a close call pretty much twice a week.

What is the deal, people? I'm about to start wearing some brass knuckles and punching the shit out of any car that threatens me while I'm in the crosswalk. Because DC has these things called traffic laws? (Wild, I know.) And when someone is in a crosswalk you're supposed to stop for them? That means stop your car ALL THE WAY with the BREAK PEDAL which should be IN THE MIDDLE.

I've already got my outfit worked out. Day glo vest, gloves with stop signs on them, a mask that covers my eyes but not my ANGRY EYEBROWS so I can let the drivers know my discontent.

Seriously.