I'll bet you're all wondering why I called you here today. I have a serious subject to discuss.

WHABAM!!!!!

LADIES AND GENTS I PRESENT TO YOU:

JAMES FRANCO IN DRAG

YESSSSSSSSSS!

Can we, as a nation, as a people agree that James Franco in drag is the hottest thing to hit this country since the Beatles' plane touched down in 1964??? I don't care if you're a straight male, a straight female, a gay person of either gender, bisexual, transgendered, whathaveyou, JAMES FRANCO IN DRAG is like the new gold standard of hotness.

James Franco in drag is like the lingua franca of attractive.

James Franco in drag is basically Dr. Frankenfurter combined with Anna Wintour combined with Brad Pitt combined with Angelica Heuston combined with PURE AWESOME. And then SET ON FIRE, a fire started by the sheer hotness of James Franco in drag.


I want to write a movie starring James Franco in drag that would just be him, in drag, sitting on a stool, reading poetry. Shot in black and white. And I would make MILLIONS.

In fact, I'm going to begin a letter-writing campaign declaring that we should edit the common parlance to replace "lie back and think of England" with "lie back and think of James Franco in drag" because, hell, everyone would have more fun that way.

Have I mentioned I'm feverish? I'm feverish.

FEVERISH WITH LOVE FOR JAMES FRANCO IN DRAG.

Also a fever of, like, 99.9F, but I can't tell because I don't have a temperature because I'm not a real adult yet because I haven't made sweet sweet love to James Franco in drag.

Haha, scratch that last bit. What I meant to say was that I don't own a thermometer. But given the option, I would go for sweet sweet lovin' every time. EVERY DAMN TIME.

Shit man, James Franco in drag. James fuckin' Franco in drag.

You know, come to think of it, James Franco in drag would make a pretty rad name for a rock band.

It's bedtime like woah.